Love Drunk
by Shadow's Firebird
Summary: Xigbar's after Axel, and Demyx is after Zexion. But sneaking around Vexen's stores proves bad luck for the two lechers, and they may just find the objects of their affections in a situation they never wanted to see! Or did they...?


**Hoshi: T for lack of actual sex.**

**Kage: Which disappoints me. –crosses arms, pouting-**

**Hoshi: So please, enjoy this fic. We don't own KH, blah, blah, blah…**

**YAOI, AXEL / ZEXION, IM. XIG / AXEL, IM. DEM / ZEXION**

**Both: ENJOY!**

Xigbar was peering into one of the showers in the men's locker room, chuckling perversely to himself. His cheeks were red and blood was slowly trickling from his nose. At that moment, he was watching Axel shower. The redhead hadn't the slightest clue that he was there, and was going about his shower as he normally would. Xigbar watched him lather soap onto his toned chest, licking his lips. He pulled away from the curtain, clutching his heart.

"Ohh, do I want to hit that!" He said to himself.

Marluxia, who was in the neighboring shower, poked his head out. "Hit what, Xigbar?"

The older man blinked at him. "Your face."

Marluxia's question was rewarded with a hard slap to the cheek. The blow made him slip on his own wet feet, and he fell to the ground. Xigbar rolled his eyes and walked away, muttering to himself.

"Must…have…sexy body…" He muttered. He stepped outside of the locker rooms and began to pace. "But how to get it? How can I get Axel into the sack with me? It's not like he'd be willing to…"

The man reflected on his previous encounters with Axel and his attempts to get the redhead to sleep with him. Every time, his various pickup lines, seductive offerings and sexual teasing (or harassment, as it was written on his restraining order) were replied to with "Get the fuck away Xigbar" or "Leave me the hell alone you one-eyed freak". Needless to say, Axel wasn't the least bit interested in him. It was completely unfair. Someone so sexy shouldn't be _allowed_ to resist him! Axel should be melting in his arms, begging to be fucked until he couldn't stand! At least, that's what Xigbar thought. But there was no way that Axel would submit to him. Unless…

Xigbar's eyes widened. "Unless Vexen could make him!"

Immediately, the man ran to a stark white door in the basement of Castle Oblivion. He banged on it frantically, wanting to talk to the person inside.

"Um…don't come in!"

This voice did not belong to Vexen, the scientist who lived in this room. Xigbar pounded on the metal again. "Demyx, is that you in there? Open up right now or I'll report you to Superior!"

The door slowly opened to reveal a suspicious looking Demyx. "Howdy there, Xigbar! What brings you here?"

Xigbar crossed his arms. "I think I should be asking you that question. What are you doing in Vexen's lab?"

"Nothing!" Demyx said, a little too quickly. "I'm uh…I'm organizing his scapels!"

"Don't you mean scalpels?" Xigbar asked.

"Y-yeah, scalpels! Those little bottles, you know."

Xigbar didn't believe a word out of the sitar-playing man's mouth. "Demyyyyx." He pressed.

The younger man sighed, flopping into a depressed pose. "Fine. I came in here because I thought that Vexen might have some sort of love potion that would make Zexion want to…" As he spoke, his voice faded into silent mouth movements.

"Sorry, didn't quite catch that," Xigbar said. "Your voice sort of trailed off at the end there."

Demyx stomped his foot. "I just came in here to find a potion that would make Zexion sleep with me, okay? Gosh!"

Xigbar grinned. "Really? Because that's exactly what I need."

"Really?" Demyx blinked in confusion. "I didn't know you had it hot for Zexion."

"No, you idiot! Axel! I want Axel to sleep with me!" Xigbar smacked the younger man in the forehead.

"Oww…" Demyx held the mark, wincing. "You didn't have to hit me, you know."

"I didn't have to, but I wanted to," was the reply.

"Why do you want Axel to sleep with you?" Demyx asked.

Xigbar bit his lip, imagining Axel showering. "Because he's sexy. And I would very much like him in my pants. End of story."

Demyx blinked. "You know he's a bunch younger than you, right? Like…ten years."

"Yeah, well Zexion's still a teenager! Why the hell would you want to fuck him?" Xigbar countered.

The younger man shuddered, wearing a happy and longing look. "Because he's young and cute and skinny and has pretty hair and is emo and has a cute ass and a hot chest and a big – "

"Alright, okay! I get it!" Xigbar held his hands up.

The younger man put his hands on his hips. "So will you help me look for a potion?"

Xigbar sighed. "I suppose I have to. I mean, if you tell Axel that I'm trying to poison him into fucking me then my plan will be ruined, won't it?"

"Oh yeah. I never thought of doing that," Demyx said.

Xigbar smacked his own face with the palm of his hand. "You amaze me, Demyx."

The younger man misinterpreted the statement. "Thank you!"

Xigbar walked past him and into Vexen's lab, looking around. "Okay, potions, potions…"

"Ooh! Ooh!" Demyx was jumping excitedly, pointing to a large cabinet full of colorful liquids. "I found it! I found it!"

"Oh yeah, you did," Xigbar said flatly.

Demyx's eyes were sparkly. "What do I win?"

The older man snorted. "With any luck, a shag with that emo squirt."

While Demyx fantasized, Xigbar began searching through the cabinet, looking at the vials. He read the label on each one before carelessly tossing it over his shoulder. Each one shattered on the floor.

"This one will grow your hair…this one makes you shorter…make you smarter…make you dumber…make you taller…this one will lengthen your…oh. Um…oh my. Uh…" Suddenly, he came across a vial full of red liquid, which had a folded letter taped to it. He picked it up, Demyx peering over his shoulder at it.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Let's see." Xigbar opened the letter, reading it. "'Top secret: Lust Potion'." The two men looked excitedly at each other before the older continued reading. "'Caution, formula not complete. Designed to make anyone who drinks this liquid extremely horny for a set period of time'. Demyx, this is just what we need! If we slip some of this stuff into Axel and Zexion's food they'll be too horny to think straight! We could fuck them until they can't even breathe!"

"But…I don't want Zexion to die!" Demyx exclaimed.

Xigbar glared at him before smacking him in the face. "It's a figure of speech."

"Ohh!" Demyx exclaimed, getting to his feet. "I get it! We're not gonna do them _to_ _death!_ We're just going to do them _a lot!"_

"Yeah, that's the general idea," Xigbar pocketed the vial, turning to the younger man. "Alright, dinner is in an hour. All we have to do is slip some of this stuff into Axel and Zexion's food and ambush them when everyone's done eating."

Demyx nodded. "This is fun!"

An evil cackle met his ears as Xigbar drummed his fingers together. He grinned maliciously. "Oh, the fun's just beginning, Demyx."

Axel was lying on the floor in his room, extremely angry. He had a massive hard on, which had developed almost immediately after he'd eaten his mashed potatoes at dinner. Sweat was rolling off of his head, and his muscles were starting to cramp. Even though he had been jacking off for the last half hour, he was completely unable to come.

"Damn it!" He shouted. "This is ridiculous!"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Axel climbed up onto his bed and pulled a pillow over his lap, hiding his erection. "Come in!"

A timid Zexion walked into the room. He too had a pillow over his waist. His face was bright red, but he tried to speak with confidence. "A…Axel?"

The redhead blinked. "Zexion, what are you doing in here?"

"Um…I'm having a serious problem and I can't get rid of it. And er…I kind of noticed you running away from dinner with a…ah…similar issue." The bluenette looked away, embarrassed. "I was hoping that you might have found a solution."

"Nope," Axel replied, discarding the pillow. There was no use hiding his erection if Zexion already knew about it. "I can't get rid of the damn thing. Nothing I've tried works."

Zexion sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the wall. "Me too. It…it just doesn't feel good enough, I guess."

"Yeah. S'like we need to have actual sex with someone to get rid of it or something."

They both slowly absorbed what Axel had said. After a moment, they came to the same conclusion. In unison, they snarled, "Vexen."

"Well what do we do?" Zexion asked. "Should we go see if Vexen has an antidote?"

Axel sighed. "Well, if we do go to Vexen then he'll probably want to experiment on us. It'd be such a hassle." He lay back on the bed, crossing his arms behind his neck. "I say we just find someone to fuck and get it over with."

"But who?" Zexion sounded a little worried. "We can't just waltz up to someone and say 'Hey, I'm horny, can we go have sex?' It just…it's too weird!"

"So what are we supposed to do then?" Axel inquired.

The bluenette hesitated, a little uncomfortable with what he was about to suggest. "Well…it's uh…it's kind of embarrassing to tell anyone else about this, and we both have the same problem, so maybe…maybe…"

"We could do each other?" Axel finished.

Zexion nodded, mortified.

The redhead sighed and ran his fingers through his own hair. "Eh, I don't mind. I'm horny, I don't want anyone knowing that Vexen's been fucking with my hormones, and I've always wanted to see what doing an emo would be like." He wrapped an arm around Zexion's chest from behind. "So what do you say?"

"Only if you swear that we can _never_ speak of this again when we're done," Zexion urged him.

Axel nodded. "Oh, you don't have to worry."

The bluenette sighed. "Alright. But who's going to be on top?"

"That's an easy one," Axel said, grinning. He grabbed Zexion's shoulders and flipped on top of him, pinning him to the bed. "Me."

"Alright, where the hell is Axel?" Xigbar snarled. He was pacing the hallways, trying to find his horny redhead. Axel usually walked down this hallway at about this time to get to the weight room. He liked to exercise at night so that he could sleep right after his post-workout shower. The older man often snuck into the weight room to watch him work out. However, the redhead was nowhere to be found.

"Zexion!" A voice called quietly. "Oh Zeeeeexiooooon!"

"Demyx?" Xigbar wondered.

He turned a corner and bumped right into the younger man. Demyx fell back on his rear, yelping.

"Ow, my butt!" He exclaimed. He got to his feet, rubbing his sore bottom.

"Demyx, have you seen Axel?" Xigbar blurted.

Demyx blinked. "Nope. Have you seen Zexion?"

"No." The older man crossed his arms, scowling. "Well this is bloody great. Where the hell are those two? We're supposed to be fucking them right now!"

Demyx touched his chin, thinking. "Um…have you looked in the bathroom?"

Xigbar nodded. "Yes."

"The weight room?" Demyx offered.

"Yes."

"The dining room?"

"Yes."

"The kitchen?"

"Yes!"

"Axel's room?"

"Y…!" Xigbar paused, considering. "Actually…no. I never thought to look in there."

The two of them dashed down the halls of the castle, heading for Axel's room. The crimson door stood out blatantly against the stone walls. Swallowing for effect, Xigbar gripped the handle. After receiving a minute nod from Demyx, he opened the door.

"Axel, that was awesome…" Zexion panted, curling against his chest.

Axel ruffled the teen's hair. "You're tight, you little emo. I didn't think I would fit."

At that moment, Zexion seemed to notice that the door was open. He looked up to see Demyx and Xigbar at the threshold, their jaws on the floor. They just blinked in shock at the couple on the bed. Zexion yelped in surprise and hid under the covers. Axel paused, trying to think of something to say. He sighed, looking over at the two in the doorway.

"Um…it's exactly what it looks like," He said.

Xigbar was hysterical. "B-b-but you and Zexion…you two…did that?"

"Yup," Axel replied, stretching.

"You defiled my Zexion!" Demyx exclaimed. "Axel, my best friend, was getting his freak on with _my_ Zexion!"

Zexion's head poked out from under the covers. "Who ever said I was yours? I can have sex with Axel if I want to."

"But the potion was supposed to make you want _me!"_ Demyx whined, stomping his foot.

Axel gave himself a moment to absorb this information. "What potion?"

Xigbar's eyes widened. "Demyx, you fucking idiot!"

Fuming, Axel pulled on a pair of boxers and got to his feet. "Did you put something in our food?"

"Run!" Demyx shrieked.

He and Xigbar ran as fast as they could out of the room, dodging various fireballs that were hurled at them. Axel roared with fury as he chased them. They ran all over Castle Oblivion, spending most of the night trying to escape Axel. By the time the moon was up, the redhead had worn himself out. He slithered back to his room and climbed into bed to cuddle with an already sleeping Zexion. Demyx and Xigbar were left to hide in a bathroom.

"I think our plan backfired," Demyx said.

Xigbar gave him a withering look. "You think?"

The younger man nodded, crossing his arms. Xigbar sighed.

"So should we go beat up Vexen or just go to sleep for the night?"

Demyx rolled over into the bathtub. "I vote for sleeping."

So Xigbar and Demyx slept in a bathroom that evening, Zexion and Axel slept naked in a bed together, and Vexen spent the night having a panic attack due to all the shattered vials and spilled potions in his room. Fortunately for Xigbar and Demyx, Vexen never actually found out who took the lust potion. He just resorted to making a new one, one that could make a _particular_ person fall for another _particular_ person. At three in the morning that night, he had it perfected.

"Excellent," He said to himself, grinning. He clutched the new vial in his hand, cackling evilly. "Now to go find Marluxia!"

**Hoshi: We actually had a neat little text effect on one of Demyx's lines where the letters got smaller and smaller, but we were pretty sure that FF would make the whole thing the same size, so we edited it.**

**Kage: So please, reviews! We enjoys them!**

**Hoshi: -points to the review button- CLICK IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!**


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